Run for your lives, MySpace has conquered Britain. But murky corners of Kent, Cumbria and Norfolk are leading the resistance. Vive le Resistance!
With more than 10 million users on these fair isles, social-networking giant MySpace claims that more people now have an online profile than drink bitter. I'm not currently doing either, which makes me feel lonely (and thirsty. Stupid office rules).
MySpace UK launched in April 2006. At that point our version of the site had a mere 3.6 million users. According to MySpace, the UK site now has a mighty 10.2 million profiles.
If the UK's MySpace.com numbers keep tripling every 15 months, by August 2009 there'll be more than 90 million UK people with MySpace profiles - so we'd better start procreating, fast. Nurse, the screens!
Unsurprisingly, the metropolitan hotbeds of London, Birmingham and Manchester [note to subs - Manchester? Metropolitan? Is this right?] have the most MySpace users. But Lowther in Cumbria, Attleborough in Norfolk and Thanet in Kent each have just one MySpace user.
This proves either that a combination of the delights of small-town England and the scarcity of rural broadband make MySpace less than compelling in the sticks, or that country-folk are too busy distrusting strangers and maintaining a tiny gene pool to learn the intricacies of online social networking. I make no claims either way.
MySpace UK's top three profiles are U2 caterwauler Bono's anti-Aids pro-iPod campaign 'Project Red', beat-pop combo Gorillaz (ask your kids) and a band called Bullet for my Valentine (I'll ask my nephew). So MySpace remains a music site, pretty much.
(PC Advisor's MySpace didn't seem to be in the top 10, which can only be an oversight.)
Right, I'm off to move to Thanet. I'm more of a Facebook man these days, on account of its lack of hideous, eye-scarring profiles that host horrible code and even more horrible bands. MySpace makes me want to lie down. Who are you calling Grandad?
In the course of writing this story, Matt Egan visited a site called MySpace.co.uk. It being (as far as he can tell) an adult website, he'd like to apologise to PC Advisor's tech support.