LOS ANGELES--With the thunderous applause that came after Sony's E3 press conference ended still ringing in its bleeding ears, Microsoft came out in full damage control mode to try and explain to consumers why its more-expensive, less-consumer-friendly console is indeed the better choice.
Unfortunately, Microsoft's Don Mattrick and Co. seem to be gluttons for punishment when it comes to this Xbox One business.
Here's what Mattrick told the E3 press Tuesday about Microsoft's grand plan for people who dared to ask: "Hey, what if my Internet is terrible? How will I play if my Xbox can't connect every 24 hours like you require?"
Perhaps, say, a soldier stationed in a remote location who loves to go back to base and play video games, but is worried the Xbox One won't work that way?
Ready for Mattrick's answer?
Buy an Xbox 360.
That's right: in an interview with Spike's Geoff Keighley, Mattrick said, "Fortunately, we have a product for people who aren't able to get some form of connectivity--it's called Xbox 360."
Keighley (somewhat incredulously) then asked, "Right...stick with 360? That's your message if you don't like [the Xbox One's phone-home policy]?"
Mattrick doubled down. "If you have zero access to the Internet, [the 360] is an offline device. I mean, seriously, when I read the blogs and thought about who's really the most impacted it was a person who said 'Hey, I'm on a nuclear sub.'"
Then he said, "I don't even know what it means to be on a nuclear sub, but I've got to imagine it's not easy to get an Internet connection...I can empathize. If I was on a sub, I'd be disappointed."
Microsoft's Phil Spencer gave the same message to Kotaku, saying if he lived in an area without cell phone service he "wouldn't go buy a cell phone."
Apparently, when it comes to the Xbox One, Microsoft has taken a page out of Steve Jobs' "You're holding it wrong" playbook. We'll keep you updated on whether this bold tactic works as Microsoft continues on through the "Denial" stage of grieving.