We use cookies to provide you with a better experience. If you continue to use this site, we'll assume you're happy with this. Alternatively, click here to find out how to manage these cookies

hide cookie message
Contact Forum Editor

Send an email to our Forum Editor:


PLEASE NOTE: Your name is used only to let the Forum Editor know who sent the message. Both your name and email address will not be used for any other purpose.

Speakers Corner


It's free to register, to post a question or to start / join a discussion


 

Ells Bells


Grey Goo

Likes # 0

THE BELL RINGER

 After  Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of  Notre  Dame
 Sent word  through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer  was needed.
The bishop decided that he would  conduct the interviews personally  and
 Went up into  the belfry to begin the screening  process.
After observing several  applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided  to
Call it a  day.
 Just then, an  armless man approached him and announced that  he
Was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.  The bishop was incredulous.
'You have no  arms!'
'No matter,' said the man.  'Observe!'
And he began striking the bells  with his face, producing a  beautiful
 Melody on the  carillon.
 The bishop  listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally  found
A replacement for Quasimodo.
But  suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell,  the armless  man
 Tripped and  plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his  death in  the
 Street  below.
 The stunned  bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five  church
 Steps, when he  reached the street, a crowd had gathered around  the
 Fallen figure,  drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only  moment
 Before.
As  they silently parted to let the bishop through, one  of them asked,
'Bishop, who was this  man?'
'I don't know his name,' the bishop  sadly replied,

BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL!'

The following day despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his Heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the Bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother Of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry Yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him In this duty.' The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he Groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, Rushed up the stairs to his side. 'What has happened? Who is this man?' the first monk asked breathlessly. 'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, but …..

  'HE'S A DEAD  RINGER FOR HIS  BROTHER!'
Like this post
rdave13

Likes # 0

If I Toll you once, I Toll you twice. Jokes don' ring a bell on this site!

The old ones are the best.

Like this post
buteman

Likes # 0

Grey Goo

It has to be an old one but you Gotta laugh.

Me and my friend should have put in for it.

Like this post
buteman

Likes # 0

Made a mess of that one I should have said Me and my Girl should have put in for it.

Like this post
Brumas

Likes # 0

I was going to tell the one about Quasimodo and the wok but can hear the sound of the silver mouse ;o}

Like this post
john bunyan

Likes # 0

I'm just waiting for AitchBEE to quote the Rolling Stones, " I told you once and I told you twice" from This will be the last time!!

A bit slow AitchBEE

Like this post
john bunyan

Likes # 0

rdave13 Sorry - did not see your earlier post - and I hope we are not going to compete with AitchBEE in future song references!!!

Like this post
Bingalau

Likes # 0

Brumas. You have got my curiosity going about the "Wok" joke. I seem to remember it in the far reaches of my mind but can't bring it out. Perhaps you can e-mail it?

Like this post
Quickbeam

Likes # 0

Wok about the wok joke? Wok this way and tell it, I can't be woked easily.

Wok you say? Terrible I know, but wok can I do, 'til I wok to the doctors...

Like this post
Brumas

Likes # 0

You asked for it!

Quasimodo was going out that evening with Esmeralda so he asked his ma what was for tea.

How about Spaghetti Bolognaise? Nah, don’t want garlic on my breath do I.

Fish and chips, I have a nice piece of haddock, nah, don’t fancy it.

Sausage and mash with onions, nah, you know that gives me indigestion.

Look, I have other things to do so make up your mind and with that she went into the kitchen and emerged carrying a wok.

Oh good, that’s what I fancy, a nice chinese.

Chinese be buggered, I’m off to iron your shirt ;o}

Like this post
Bingalau

Likes # 0

Brumas. Yes I remember it now, thanks to your re-telling it. But I don't think the FE would bring his silver deleting mouse out just for that. mayhap there is another one you are keeping to yourself? By the way I don't think his silver mouse makes any noise so you couldn't possibly hear it. It's a bit of a sneaky mouse.

Like this post

Reply to this topic

This thread has been locked.



IDG UK Sites

Motorola Moto G2 release date, price and specs: Best budget smartphone gets upgrades

IDG UK Sites

How to join Apple's OS X Beta Seed Program: Get OS X Yosemite on your Mac before public release

IDG UK Sites

Why the BBC iPlayer outage was caused by a DDoS attack: Topsy and Tim isn't *that* popular

IDG UK Sites

How to make an 'Apple iWatch' using an iPod nano and a 3D printer