We use cookies to provide you with a better experience. If you continue to use this site, we'll assume you're happy with this. Alternatively, click here to find out how to manage these cookies

hide cookie message
Contact Forum Editor

Send an email to our Forum Editor:


PLEASE NOTE: Your name is used only to let the Forum Editor know who sent the message. Both your name and email address will not be used for any other purpose.

Speakers Corner


It's free to register, to post a question or to start / join a discussion


 

Really Old!


morddwyd

Likes # 0

Now I'm feeling really old and decrepit.

A guy with a 56lb bag of potatoes on his shoulder stopped and held the door open for me!

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

Bingalau - sometimes 'looks' belie the man...or woman.

Like this post
Brumas

Likes # 0

My nickname was handsome,intelligent,witty,charismatic,modest bstard which was generally shortened to just bstard, I wonder why? ;o}}

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

Jokes are often made about how one's driving skills diminish as one gets older. Whatever the truth of the claim, I think we'd all agree that having one car accident is bad enough, but when you have four in the space of one month - as happened to comedian George Burns - a line really has to be drawn. After the accidents, Burns decided to employ a driver to take him around,though he still wouldn't admit that his driving was dangerous.He was at pains to point out,only three of those accidents had been his fault!

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

A frustrated man goes to see his GP. 'Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.' 'Now, now,' answered the doctor,'you're getting on a bit these days.Don't you think your libido is all in your head?' 'You're damned right it is!' replied the man.'That's why I want it lowered!'

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

FROM SHOW-BIZ TO NO-BIZ

No industry is more cruel to those no longer in the flush of youth than that of show business. As the acid-tongued Cher observed,'In this business it takes time to be really good - and by that time, you're obsolete.'

DECAYED TENEMENTS

In 1826, a former president of the United States, John Adams, suffered a bad stroke and passed away. Describing his last meeting with Adams, his friend Daniel Webster said: 'Someone, a friend of his,came in and made some particular enquiries of his health.Adams answered,"I inhabit a weak, frail,decayed tenement battered by the winds and broken in upon by the storms, and, from all I can learn, the landlord does not intend to repair!" '

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

You know your past it when...

In a hostage situation, you'd be released first.

You find yourself beginning to like accordian music.

Naughty Old Groucho!

At seventy years old, Groucho Marx once commented on the Indian summer he was enjoying as an actor. 'I'm going to Iowa for an award,' he said. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall.It's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honoured by the French government.' He paused and added: 'I'd give it all up for one erection.'

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

OH BERYL!

During a lunch at Buckingham Palace, award-winning novelist Beryl Bainbridge is reported to have run into difficulty due to the palace's strict no-smoking policy. According to Fay Weldon, who was also present at the lunch, Bainbridge 'was telling this woman what a terribly boring party it was.' Someone dragged her away."You can't speak to the Queen like that!" ' "Oh dear," said Bainbridge. "I thought it was Vera Lynn." '

Like this post
Forum Editor

Likes # 0

OK AitchBEE

One joke would be fine - half a dozen is pushing it too far. Long ago we decided that we would discourage humour-based threads for two reasons.

  1. Some people don't seem to know when to stop
  2. Not everyone has the same ideas about what's funny.

Please consider yourself gently but officially discouraged.

Like this post
Pineman100

Likes # 0

FE - I can understand that as a broad policy, but surely one can never have too much of Groucho!

;o)

Like this post
Aitchbee

Likes # 0

EASY ON THE TEETH.... 'At the harvest festival in our church, the area behind the pulpit was piled high with tins of fruit for the old-age pensioners. We had collected the tinned fruit from door to door.Most of it came from old-age pensioners.' CLIVE JAMES

Like this post

Reply to this topic

This thread has been locked.



IDG UK Sites

Best Christmas 2014 UK tech deals, Boxing Day 2014 UK tech deals & January sales 2015 UK tech...

IDG UK Sites

LED vs Halogen: Why now could be the right time to invest in LED bulbs

IDG UK Sites

Christmas' best ads: See great festive spots studios have created to promote themselves and clients

IDG UK Sites

Why Apple shouldn't be blamed for exploitation in China and Indonesia