When is it too old for kids?

  Marko797 14:32 19 Sep 07
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Friend of mine (47), married (his wife 38). Both in good jobs, & on 2nd marriages. His wife wants desperately to have kids as she has none from previous marriage, & fears time is passing her by. He's in a bit of a nightmare situ as he's not keen on starting a family at his age.
When is it too old to have kids?

  Legolas 14:43 19 Sep 07

Well my mate and his wife had brought up a family of two girls and one son. Then in their early forties they adopted the first of three girls from China, but as for your friend I think it is important that they both agree on it, if not it can only cause problems. I can understand the wife as she is only 38 your mate is a bit older only he knows if he is wants to be a dad.

  Clapton is God 14:48 19 Sep 07

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  VideoSentry 14:48 19 Sep 07

As legolas says 'They must both agree' I have three children and they are hard work,so I can understand His reticence.

  Marko797 14:54 19 Sep 07

I really don't know how to advise him to be honest. Not being directly involved I can see both sides of the fence, so I feel I'm not being much help to them.

  Riojaa 14:58 19 Sep 07

I don't think that it matter one bit as to what we think here.

They are the ones who will rapidly age soon after the birth. If the couple are not into keeping fit then a parent's early death is terrible for any child.

When they pick the child up from school they will have no worries; everyone will think they are the grandparents.

In the end if they are prepared to love and spend lots of quality time with the child, from their zimmer frames, then any decisions made can only be the right ones.

  Marko797 15:05 19 Sep 07

Sorry Riojaa, I thought we could discuss any subject in here. I just wanted to gauge opinion as I'm a bit stuck on this one.
Thanks tho for the positive response (re:zimmers/death etc)...I won't be passing it on.

  Earthsea 15:12 19 Sep 07

Shouldn't they have discussed this before getting married? I'm surprised it didn't come up (the topic).

  Cymro. 15:14 19 Sep 07

My own father was 57 when I was born. He had children from a previous marriage. My father died at the age of 73 when I was only 14 so I only remember him as an old man but that made little difference as we still loved each other as father and son should.

I have been told that he was so delighted to be a father again at the age of 57 that he made a bigger fuss of me than he ever did of the children of his first marriage. I dare say that I did miss out somewhat at not knowing my father for as long as I would have liked. But I must have bought a lot of happiness in to his life and I only remember him with affection and love.

  Marko797 15:26 19 Sep 07

My view is that he is too old, but my other half says not to under-estimate the wife's desperation & natural yearnings - she is after all ynger than him. Might have a point there, as I suppose.

Earthsee - take ur point, but I don't know what was discussed btwn them back then.

Thnx for your point Cymro - & well put. Was ur mother ynger than ur father?

  Cymro. 15:46 19 Sep 07

Yes indeed Marko797 my mother was very much younger than my father by some 21 years. So she must have been about 35 when I was born. As they had both been married and had children before their whole relationship has always been something of a mystery to me. I was at one time very curious as to what bought them together, but would never ask anybody about it feeling that whatever the mystery was it had happened before I was born and best left alone.

I was always rather aware of them being older than the parents of my school friends but I don`t remember it ever being a problem to me. As my father in particular was not just one generation older than me but several generations older, I suppose it could have lead to problems as I was growing up (teenager from hell syndrome etc.) but I can`t say I now remember any serious problems.

As my mother had to nurse and look after my father as he become older and nearer death it must have been for her an even harder time than for wife that would have been younger. My father would have been a fairly old man and my mother middle aged. But again I don`t think it created any problems that could not be managed.

I think the biggest family problem they had concerned the children from their previous marriage. But that can happen to any couple who re marry no matter what their age at the time.

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