Try understand our current finanial position

  rawprawn 14:14 13 Oct 08

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for £10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many mnkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at £10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at £20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to £25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort even to see a monkey, let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at £50. However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at £35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for £50 each.' "The villagers hurried round with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only bloody monkeys everywhere!"

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works

  Jak_1 14:46 13 Oct 08

A good analogy however, with the stock market, gains are to be had when when buying at rock bottom prices and sitting on them until the market recovers. Only thing is you need to be certain that the company that you buy the shares in is not likely to go into liquidation!
It's the monkeys's that buy the wrong shares that will get burnt!

  version8 14:55 13 Oct 08

For to long Banks have been offering loans for various things including buying a property.
Some people offered up to x7+ their salary.
Now with the market crashing their is no way to claw that money back.

In future it will be more difficult to borrow money!

  peter99co 15:42 13 Oct 08

But who gets the blame for running up the house prices as high so quickly. My house was £14000 in the 80's and now £98,000 I am no better off though because if I sold it I still have to buy at a similar price.

I paid only £7500 thanks to Mr's Thatcher

It is the over estimations by Estate Agents who played the market and created caused people to think they would be better off.

I don't feel better off and some are worse off than me because I do not owe anyone a brass farthing.

  wiz-king 16:02 13 Oct 08

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors kill you and take the cows.
ZIMBARBWE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
JAPANESE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don't ask any awkward questions about who you're giving the milk to.
EUROPEAN FEDERALISM: You have two cows which cost too much money to care for because everybody is buying milk imported from some cheap east-European country and would never pay the fortune you'd have to ask for your cows' milk. So you apply for financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough subsidies. You then sell your milk at the former elevated price to some government-owned distributor which then dumps your milk onto the market at east-European prices to make Europe competitive. You spend the money you got as a subsidy on two new cows and then go on a demonstration to Brussels complaining that the European farm-policy is going drive you out of your job.
EASTERN EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You sell the milk (diluted with some water) at a high price to the neighbors or to anyone at the open-air market. If somebody asks for receipt, you charge for a two times higher price, so nobody will request an invoice. For concerned families with small babies you claim that the milk is "bio", though you collect the grass for feeding at the side of the highway and you keep the milk in plastic barrels used previously as containers of dangerous chemicals. Later, your neighbor or anybody from town will steal the cows and will buy their meat for a high price, and if you ask for a receipt, you will be charged for a two times higher price.

  lofty29 17:35 13 Oct 08

you dont have any cows but pretend that you do, offer very cheap milk so eveybody sends you their money, you use the money to speculate on subprime mortgage market, go bust and tell the people who sent you their money to get *******.

  peter99co 17:39 13 Oct 08

I thought you sent a half empty bottle which they promised to fill and they won't send the bottle back.

This thread is now locked and can not be replied to.

Hands-on: Samsung Galaxy S8 review

1995-2015: How technology has changed the world in 20 years

Samsung's beautifully designed Galaxy S8 makes for better VR experiences too

47 iPhone camera tips to help you take better photos