Tricky situation in wishing 'Happy Birthday'

  DANZIG 09:27 15 Jun 11
Locked

There's a friend of mine that I've become close to in the past 18 months. Its her birthday soon and I want to send her a card for her birthday, so far so mundane.

However, last year on her birthday she had to identify the body of her partner and father to her 3 year old child after he chucked himself off a bridge suffering from depression. Not nice to say the least.

My question is that obviously I can't send her a card with some trite joke in and screaming 'Happy Birthday', also I don't some wishy washy pastel coloured affair, but what would be appropriate??

Ideally what I'm after is a poem, or carefully chosen words to express birthday wishes without being too soppy and at the same time, without being too trivial.

Normally I'm pretty good at stuff like this, but this time I'm at a loss.

  interzone55 10:21 15 Jun 11

Yes, don't mention birthday, but get a nice arty card with some kind words as fourm member suggests.

I tend to steer clear of shops like Clintons etc, and go to local art shops instead, where they have nice hand made cards for similar prices to the cards in main street card retailers...

  Woolwell 10:32 15 Jun 11

I don't see any harm in mentioning birthday but leave the happy bit out. "Thinking of you on your birthday" may be appropriate.

  Proclaimer 16:17 15 Jun 11

a phone call. Just in case others are 'avoiding' the issue and her. So pick up the phone and say hi, how's your day.

  lucky1 21:25 15 Jun 11

Why not take round some nice flowers and just say 'happy birthday'?

  flycatcher1 22:45 15 Jun 11

I am with Proclaimer and lucky1. Personal contact is often the best way but take a card, or post one, anyway.

  Forum Editor 23:55 15 Jun 11

For the rest of her life she will associate her birthday with what happened. Life being what it is however,she'll appreciate knowing that someone is thinking of her, someone who understands that it would be inappropriate to treat the occasion as one would normally do.

You say you've become close to this person, by which I assume you are a bit more than just friends, and that she knows how you feel,in which case I think a blank card with a handwritten note saying 'Best wishes on your birthday, with my love' would be just right. If the word 'love' is a little too 'soppy' at this stage you might substitute 'warm affection'.

Flowers would be good, too, but I suggest a small and tasteful posy, rather than a big bunch of roses. Keep it all fairly low key, but let her know she's important to you - she'll like it.

  DANZIG 08:29 16 Jun 11

Thanks for the advice there guys!

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