Sunday's Sermon to lightren things up

  Bingalau 20:17 03 Jun 07
Locked

In The Beginning...

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli and spinach, and
with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy.

Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and
Magnums. And Satan said 'You want hot fudge with that?

And Man said, "Yes!" And Woman said, "I'll have one too with chocolate
chips". And so they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the
cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said "Try my fresh green salad"

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which
to cook them".

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped
lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into
chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose
those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then
Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, and super size 'em".
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION:

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final
word on nutrition and health ...

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer
heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

  Totally-braindead 20:22 03 Jun 07

Fantastic Bingalau I could hardly wait for the punchline.
I suppose thus endeth the sermon.

  WhiteTruckMan 21:33 03 Jun 07

Having just this minute come back from being dragged to a KFC its just what I needed to see (I think?).

As for the last line-Oy vay!

Cheers

WTM

  p;3 21:56 03 Jun 07

Satan HAS been busy ,hasn't he!

  Brumas 23:12 03 Jun 07

Now that is something I shall send to my pals and shamelessly take the credit for ;o))

  Bingalau 09:30 04 Jun 07

Brumas. I can't take the credit for it because I must have received the same item a dozen times over the past three or four years. It suddenly dawned on me that others might also think it is quite funny. It's one of those things that keep coming in e-mails I think it's called "s pam".

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