Sometimes I don't know why we bother

  interzone55 15:12 PM 16 Sep 12
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Answered

A few months back a new neighbour moved into our estate. She was on her own and had very little cash.

She'd had a tough life, husband dumped her, daughter was in a downward spiral of drink & drugs, and her son has been in & out of prison for years, but she seemed like a nice lady.

My girlfriend went round and help her decorate, rewrote her CV to help her get a better job, and my gf's mum even lent her some money to tide her over.

Now she's turned on us, telling my girlfriend & her mum lies to try to drive them apart. It's as if she can't cope with the fact that they get on with each other, everyone should have as tough a life as she's had.

Well she's managed to alienate the only people on the estate who would talk to her. Hope she's "happy" now...

  lotvic 15:26 PM 16 Sep 12

Unfortunately that often happens. It would seem new neighbour can't cope with the good family relationships others have. Eventually becomes bitter because of the contrast with her own situation. Understandable human reaction but nothing you can do about it.

  Forum Editor 15:34 PM 16 Sep 12

The problems that people have are not always as clear-cut as they seem on the surface. Those of us who aren't in this person's situation might think it's all fairly straightforward - you offer help, which is accepted, but then the person you helped doesn't respond in the way you thought appropriate.

There's not much you can do about it, except try to understand that this woman is probably deeply unhappy, and can't help herself.

  Aitchbee 15:42 PM 16 Sep 12

I've witnessed a similar type of alienation closer to home.Although this may sound like a sweeping generalization, women (in my experience) seem to bear grudges and exhibit much more vindictive behaviour(s) than men do.

  Bing.alau 15:53 PM 16 Sep 12

Aitchbee. Now you have put the cat among the pigeons. Stand well away from the vent.

  Aitchbee 16:15 PM 16 Sep 12

These are the end lyrics of a song I heard recently, sang by folk singer Dick Gaughan:-

Now there's a time to fight and there's a time for healing

As the sun will melt the snow on clear bright April mornings

Our fight has run its course, now's the time for healing

So let us both embrace sweet reconciliation

Bing.alau ... I'm ready for anything!

  interzone55 16:28 PM 16 Sep 12

Personally I keep out of it, and be pleasant as possible. I wave as I drive past and always smile if we pass by.

I like to think that either she will thaw and be nice back, or my continued friendliness will make her boil inside - either way is OK to be honest...

  namtas 17:33 PM 16 Sep 12

The fact is there are some people that you just cannot help because they wont help themselves

  kad60 19:26 PM 16 Sep 12

You bother because you care,whether you get the response you wish is ,as you state,another matter.The offer is made now it is up to the other party to acknowledge or deny.

  rdave13 19:38 PM 16 Sep 12

Something akin to the helproom forum here. Sorry, should be Tech helproom. Sometimes you get a thanks that the help worked, sometimes you get 'it's made it worse' and the most irritating of the lot is the silent response.

  john bunyan 20:53 PM 16 Sep 12
Answer

alan14

At least you tried, and well done for that.

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