Now here is a bizzare thought

  bumpkin 00:03 30 Aug 15
Locked

I have a 29yrs old daaughter with a 5yrs old grandaughter living with me and also a 30yrs old son.

We are fortunate due to my efforts in the past to live in a large house.

Neither of them seem willing to contribute anything towards even the cost of food unless forced to, daddy should pay for everything including cars,fags and drink is their attitude. I understand that it is my fault for not being a better parent. Having analysed the situation providing that we have an adequate financial buffer to live on it all comes off of their inheritance at the end of the day. If I need more more money I can remortgage the house although this seems unlikely at the moment. I was worried about this to the point of depression now I realize that it does not matter.

  rdave13 01:26 30 Aug 15

Doesn't matter at all. Never re-mortgage a house. Off-springs still living with their parents into a later stage in their lives just happens. If you and your wife are happy about this and also your children accept your rules, then enjoy your family while you can.

Explain the inheritance 'financial buffer' to them if you can.

There will be a time that they will have to fend for themselves. That will be the time that you will no longer be around.

  BT 09:08 30 Aug 15

If they have jobs they should be contributing, no excuses.

  Forum Editor 09:10 30 Aug 15

"I was worried about this to the point of depression now I realize that it does not matter."

spider9 is right, it does matter, very much.

Your children appear to have no sense of their obligation to support themselves, and are content to coast along, secure in the knowledge that you will pick up the bills. Your granddaughter is in turn being given the very worst lesson in life - that it's OK to sponge off someone else.

I strongly urge you to do something about this as soon as possible - it has nothing to do with inheritances, you owe it to your children to teach them that they must pay their way in life - freeloading is not an acceptable way to live, especially when the person they are living off is their own father.

I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but you started the thread, and people will respond.

  Govan1x 09:25 30 Aug 15

A Full House is always better than an empty house.

As long as they help in the running of the house with a bit of cooking cleaning gardening etc and you can still afford to take care of them then I would carry on doing that.

Like Spider9 says you have to sit them down once more and just tell them the money is running out and if they work they will need help out with the Bills etc.

Just myself and wife in the house and it is so quiet at times. So maybe make the most of it while you can.

  bumpkin 10:52 30 Aug 15

Thanks for the varied replies, my own fault for not having been stricter in the past. I do talk to them and try to explain life but I fear it is too late. They will of course have to fend for themselves eventually but they are in for nasty reality shock. I am not moaning about things but actually trying to help them though it is not taken as such.

  spuds 10:56 30 Aug 15

Like others have already suggested, a family meeting is due, if the situation is getting to the stage that it is beginning to make you depressed. You haven't mentioned how your wife is taking all this. Is she happy with the situation, especially as a young granddaughter is involved, or is she also getting very depressed with the situation, and you should perhaps be showing more firmness.

Saying that you are using 'their' inheritance to support them, you and your wife is surely a burden that you do not want. Its not their inheritance, its your own lives work and savings, for you and your wife's future and remaining years, plus enjoyment.

Perhaps looking at the future, and when the time comes for you and your wife to seek more help or care, will they want to do this, or even want or consider to do that, and this is something that you should also consider seriously.If they are not helping now, will they want the burden later on, and by all accounts no, unless a big wake-up call is made now.

At 29 and 30 years of age, is perhaps time for a serious discussion, that things cannot carry on at its present state, and no doubt it might cause some ill feeling to approach the subject, but it might need to be done, before things get worse, and serious health issues take their toll.

I suppose there is nothing more upsetting for children at a graveside moaning that their parents have left them nothing, and how very inconsiderate and selfish their parent's were, when they themselves were the main factor of their later hardships!. (A reality check is needed now)

  bumpkin 11:02 30 Aug 15

*I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but you started the thread, and people will respond. *

I respect everbody's comments whether I consider them harsh or not and what you have said is unfortunately too true.

  Aitchbee 11:54 30 Aug 15

This might be a bizarre suggestion bumpkin - but why don't you make/print a few copies of this thread and get your loved ones to read it!

  bumpkin 12:25 30 Aug 15

This might be a bizarre suggestion bumpkin

It is Aitchbee and initially seems like a good idea but requires careful consideration as there are all sorts of connotations involved.

  bumpkin 12:43 30 Aug 15

Spuds, * You haven't mentioned how your wife is taking all this*

Unfortunately she is very unwell at the moment (chemo) but on the bright side is expected to recover from her illness in time, my point being that it is not an appropriate time to burden her with other worries.

She has been happy enough with the situation in the past but does not seem to realize that as I have not worked for the last 7yrs we do not have a bottomless pit.

This thread is now locked and can not be replied to.

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