Amusing poetry

  BryanR 17:24 11 Apr 07
Locked

This may have been done before on Speakers' Corner, but what's your favourite humorous poem?

I'm a big fan of John Hegley, and this is typical of his style of writing.

It's called 'The difference between dogs and sheds'

It's not a very good idea to give a dog
a coat
of creosote

Can anyone beat that?

Oh, and more from John Hegley if you click here

  wee eddie 18:10 11 Apr 07

is no longer at the bottom of the pile.

  Bingalau 18:41 11 Apr 07

Ogden Nash.

  Bingalau 18:53 11 Apr 07

The horse and the cow live thirty years
and nothing know of wines or beers
The goats and sheep at twenty die
with never a taste of Scotch or rye.
The sow drinks water by the ton
And at eighteen is nearly done
The dog at fifteen cashes in
Without the aid of rum or gin.
The cat in milk and water soaks
and then at twelve short years it croaks.
The modest sober home dry hen
Lays eggs for years and dies at ten.
All animals are strictly dry
They simply live and simply die.
But sinful, ginful rum-soaked men
Survive for three score years and ten.
And some of them, the mighty few
Stay pickled 'till they're ninety two.

I don't think this is by Ogden Nash, but it's also the kind of tripe I like. Oh yes I also like serious stuff too.

  postie24 18:57 11 Apr 07

Come back Pam Ayres

  postie24 18:59 11 Apr 07

Like that one Bingalau.

  Bingalau 19:17 11 Apr 07

postie24. I like Pam Ayres too.
I've just pulled out a book of Rugby Songs, but I think I will put it back. I don't think our FE would let me get away with the descriptions as well as the words to Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

  Bingalau 19:23 11 Apr 07

wee eddie. One of my Scottish friends once taught me the words to a song which started off "You can come and see the baby if you care to call, He's wrapped up with his mammy in a wee white shawl.He looks so neat and Panky, Like a dumplin' in a hanky.......... But I've forgotten most of it. Sometimes it comes back to me when I am in my cups of course. But even then I am making half of it up as I go along.

  postie24 19:24 11 Apr 07

Not sure if FE is about,give us a little snippet,lol

  Bingalau 19:24 11 Apr 07

Bryan R. Sorry for hi-jacking your thread,

  Jim Thing 20:57 11 Apr 07

Ogden Nash gets my vote too. Foe example:

Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice
by Ogden Nash

There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,
Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
I don't mean the kind of apologies people make when they run over you or borrow five dollars or step on your feet,
Because I think that is sort of sweet;
No, I object to one kind of apology alone,
Which is when people spend their time and yours apologizing for everything they own.
You go to their house for a meal,
And they apologize because the anchovies aren't caviar or the partridge is veal;
They apologize privately for the crudeness of the other guests,
And they apologzie publicly for their wife's housekeeping or their husband's jests;
If they give you a book by Dickens they apologize because it isn't by Scott,
And if they take you to the theater, they apologize for the acting and the dialogue and the plot;
They contain more milk of human kindness than the most capacious dairy can,
But if you are from out of town they apologize for everything local and if you are a foreigner they apologize for everything American.
I dread these apologizers even as I am depicting them,
I shudder as I think of the hours that must be spend in contradicting them,
Because you are very rude if you let them emerge from an argument victorious,
And when they say something of theirs is awful, it is your duty to convince them politely that it is magnificent and glorious,
And what particularly bores me with them,
Is that half the time you have to politely contradict them when you rudely agree with them,
So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on handy shelves,
Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves.

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