" ..... primeordial piece of slime." No such thing, we all had to start somewhere and all ask questions sometime.
I would ask if you really want Norton on your laptop? It seems to cause all sorts of bother and there are plenty of good anti-malware programs that are free.
To start with the Windows firewall (should have been installed with Windows) will do the job, but you may want to change later.
For anti-virus you could download AVG Free click here and install it. You would be OK to go online and update it immediately.
For anti-spyware you could use AVG Anti-Spyware click here
or Spybot S&D click here or Spyware Terminator click here or A-Aware Free click here (or all of them) which again you should update as a priority job.
You could download all the above on the PC you are using, copy to CD and install them on your new laptop before going online.
Think about it, but if you do decide on Norton you should be OK to follow the instructions given.