In Windows you need to go to Control Panel>Wireless Link. You'll find all the IR settings there.
Windows sets IR up to scan every x seconds to find new IR links. Generally I'be always found the IR link to be reliable and easily woken up by any IR device that comes within range.
It is very important to have the IR device within range at a suitable angle, especially vertically. I find if I have my Nokia too close to the IR sensor on my laptop the IR isn't detected. 1 foot (30cm) seems a good reliable distance.
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