email supervision

  100Graham 15:06 06 Feb 03

i'm very concerned about who my daughter has 'met' & is emailing on the net.
with all the publicity about peadaphiles, i'm very concerned.
is there any way on outlook express or any similar program that i can automatically keep copies of incoming & outgoing emails without her knowing so that even if they're deleted from the deleted folder i can ead them? i know i can have incoming messages left on the server, but how about outgoing ones?

this may sound like spying but i do have a very good reason for it.


  €dstow 15:13 06 Feb 03

Rather than spying, don't you think it would be better to discuss your fears with your daughter.

If she finds out (and it's very likely she will) about your subterfuge, her respect for you will plummet to depths so low that you'll have difficulty retrieving yourself.

Obviously I can't tell you how you should behave towards your children but speaking from my own experiences, I can discuss anything, anything at all, with either or both of my parents. There would never have been any secretiveness from either side when I lived at home and there isn't now.

Just my view.


  Belatucadrus 16:17 06 Feb 03

click here and click here for two pieces of software that could prove usefull if the reasoned approach doesn't work. Like €dstow I'd rather talk things over and while I don't think iProtectyou is unreasonable, would need a pretty good reason to install the keylogger. It states pretty clearly that you don't trust someone to act responsibly.

  pj123 17:39 06 Feb 03

yes, I agree with €dstow, My Daughter is 14 but her internet access is 18+. we have an agreement and I trust her implicitely. talk to her first.


  watchful 18:13 06 Feb 03

I agree 100% with what's been said but I'm relieved that when my daughters were 14 we didn't have a computer!

  100Graham 09:48 07 Feb 03

thanks for the replys.
i totally agree with what you all have said so far.
believe me i've tried everything & am now desperate. we do talk & communicate but when you're sure that a child of yours is heading for trouble with sex &/or drugs & is being mislead cos they're naive or gullible, then you too would try anything.
if you have no worries about your own children you may find my position hard to see but some teenagers just won't listen when their emotions are involved. thanks again-any other ideas are welcome.

  watchful 09:56 07 Feb 03

I sympathise totally. The terrible 14s - remember it well.
If reasoning doesn't help then perhaps you need the lock & key approach, or try to engage her interests elsewhere from Outlook Express.

  watchful 10:00 07 Feb 03

Just a thought, I worried terribly about my two but the ideals you bring them up with are still there in the background and my fears were usually groundless.
They came through their phases unscathed. They always responded better if I didn't make a big issue out of anything. It's all trial and error of course.

  Stokey 10:11 07 Feb 03

Call me old fashioned ............ but I believe that children should not be allowed on the WWW without supervision.

Anyone who knows me personally would vouch for the fact that I am by no means a prude but I have come across some shocking stuff whilst carrying out searches for various projects. Some of the things I have seen have even given me a chuckle but I would not like children to see them.

Of course, it is nice, essential even, if there is a two-way trust between parents and children but this issue is not about trust. There ARE things that children should not see, or even know about, and they NEED our protection.

  jazzypop 10:18 07 Feb 03

click here for very sensible advice

click here for a comprehensive 'spying' program.

Then think long and hard about how you will handle the situation if your worst fears are realised, and she is 'being led astray'. How would you react if the method was not email / IM / chat rooms, but face to face meetings with her friends?

The natural tendency is an emotional, dramatic reaction on your part. This will (usually) result in an even bigger, more emotional and dramatic reaction from your daughter.

Tread very, very carefully.

  watchful 10:19 07 Feb 03

I agree. I'm old-fashioned too. As I said earlier, my children didn't see a computer until they were at college so we didn't have that particular problem.

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