In Outlook have a look under account settings - change - more settings and the advanced tab and untick leave a copy on the server.
imap may be better than pop. imap instead of pop works by having the messages on the server. On your iphone you will see all messages but not those deleted. However if you leave it for a few days then you will still get large downloads if you get a lot of e-mails. Alternatively consider webmail, especially on the netbook.