No, you have to tell each program what player/recorder it should use. If you are using WMP or RealOne Player or WinDVD etc etc you can set these.
But for individual programs that need to access you optical drives, I'm afraid it's D.I.Y time in the properties settings.
The drives themselves can be set to "prompt me to choose an action" in the properties>Auto play box.
Not unless anybody knows different.