Fun ways to deal with telesales calls ...

  keewaa 21:46 07 Jun 06
Locked

Just thought I'd start a thread for everyone to add some fun ways to deal with those telephone sales calls.

I know there is the Telephone Preference Service that you can register for to cut them out, but wouldn't it be good to have 5 10 15 .. minutes of fun with these calls, at their expense, to brighten up your day! So here goes :

Caller: "[after initial blurb]...Do you have a few moments to spare to help us with our survey?

Me: "Of course. To whom should I send the bill?"

Caller: "I'm sorry? No we're just carrying out a survey of..."

Me: "Yes, you said. I charge £25 for surveys. Would you like to pay by Direct Debit? I can take your account details now."

Caller: "click..."

**********************************

'Would you be interested in UPVC windows sir?"

“No, I’m not interested in buying windows, however I am interested in purchasing some shoes.”

'We dont sell shoes sir'

"Oh. Can i have your shoes?"

"Pardon"

"You heard"

............... etc.

**********************************

Pretend you think it is Pizza Hut returning your call and order a pizza from them with many many different toppings

**********************************

If you've got plenty of free time.......

Sales-person
Hello, is that Stuff and Nonsense? Can I speak to the person who handles your advertising please?
Malarkey
(With a silent groan, but a bit of time to play a new and devilish game) You're speaking to him.
Sales-person
Oh great! Hello. It's Julie from The Local Rag. We're running a feature next week on websites/computers/anything and we have some last minute advertising space available at a very reduced rate.
Malarkey
(And this is where the game begins...) That's fantastic! We would be really interested in that! But... I'm just on my way out of the office. Can you call me on my mobile (cellphone) and we can talk about it some more?
Sales-person
Of course!
Malarkey
Great! The number is... can you give me a call in ten minutes?
Now this game involves keeping the sales person talking to you on your mobile phone for as long as possible without agreeing to buy anything.

  keewaa 21:50 07 Jun 06

A funny one I read was of a guy who got a call from a conservatory sales exec .... long interesting conversation resulting in him making an appointment for someone to call out and give them a quotation for the conservatory.

When the exec arrived his attitude changed as he wasn't very keen to give a quote for a conservatory for a 2nd floor flat !

  €dstowe 22:28 07 Jun 06

I keep a football referee's whistle near to my telephone.

  Jimmy14 22:42 07 Jun 06

like your consversations.
What a good idea €dstowe.

  Mark McC 22:46 07 Jun 06

that is 100% funny as hell i am laughing my head off here

hahahahahahahahaha:))

10/10
that is hilarious keewaa & €dstowe
Mark

  tammer 22:49 07 Jun 06

Caller: Is that Mr Seinfeld?
Jerry: Yes
Caller: Are you interested in.....
Jerry: I'm really busy now but if you give me your home number, I can call you back tonight.
Caller: Er, we're not allowed to give out our home numbers.
Jerry: Is that cause you don't want people bothering you at home?
Caller: Er, yes
Jerry: Well now you know how I feel! (slams phone down)

  Forum Editor 23:33 07 Jun 06

but I have never understood what possible satisfaction there is in deliberately setting up people who are simply trying to do their job - It just seems so juvenile to me. If you don't want to speak to a telephone sales person what's wrong with saying so, politely and firmly, or even in just putting the phone down?

Don't play schoolboy games for your own amusement - everyone has to earn their living somehow.

  jimmybond 23:40 07 Jun 06

FE - well said. Although keewa's original post raises a smile - trying to burst the ear drums of somebody that's just trying to do their job, is beyond a joke.

  Starfox 00:58 08 Jun 06

Brrr-Brrr

Hello

Is that Mr Walls

Err sorry no

Can I speak to Mr Walls then please

Err no - we dont have a Mr Walls

Can I speak to Mrs Walls then please

Err no we don't have a Mrs Walls here either


Are you seriously telling me there are no Walls there


Err-umm yes that's correct


What holds the roof up then - click.

  keewaa 07:56 08 Jun 06

<<<<<Perhaps I'm missing something in life,

but I have never understood what possible satisfaction there is in deliberately setting up people who are simply trying to do their job - It just seems so juvenile to me. If you don't want to speak to a telephone sales person what's wrong with saying so, politely and firmly, or even in just putting the phone down?

Don't play schoolboy games for your own amusement - everyone has to earn their living somehow >>>>>

I think you're missing a fundamental point that all these companies seem to conveniently miss, and when you start getting alot of these calls, some of who don't understand what 'no' means, on international cheap IP call systems, you might change you mind!

But the fundamental point is that it is MY telephone in MY house, did I ask to be called? NO! Did I ask to have someone tie up my line stopping others calling? NO! Did I ask them to get me to rush out of the shower to answer the phone or stop whatever I am doing ? NO!

I think your view is probably how most polite people feel .... however after a bit of thought I have come to conclusion NO !

If you've ever come across Martin's Money saving sight ... the big point he built is site on is NO MORE ! He is not going to let companies get away with things anymore and points out ways to 'use' the system that these companies have set up. There's nothing wrong with it!

If you only get 1 call a month then I would agree with you .... if you get alot then personally I would like to see these type of companies go out of business ..... because I HATE these calls, and when 80% of them don't understand 'no' and are rude by applying their pressure sales tactics .... why shouldn't we start doing something, like running up their bills to increase their expenses .... or whatever.

Also try to think of alot of the elderly who they do manage to conn and who come from a different era of telephony, who find it hard to be firm!

I do love that one from Seinfeld, tammer .... that's my fav so far. lol.

  keewaa 08:05 08 Jun 06

Another one ........

Ask them to hold on, put the phone down beside the radio, and every 5 minutes pick it up and say politely "Thank you for holding, your call is important to us".

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