Under new proposals from Ofcom, mobile phones may be allowed to be used on flights crossing UK and European airspace. As far as I’m concerned that’s one step closer to creating an airborne version of hell.
And it's not as though we don't already have to endure this unpleasant noise pollution whenever we travel by train, tube or bus.
I can see it now. On one side of me I’ll have a teenage girl arguing melodramatically over the phone with her boyfriend about what exploits she may or may not get up to on her girls holiday and on the other side of me will be a large and obnoxious businessman conducting calls in a loud Dom Jolly-esque fashion.
For me, flying is really an aggravation. It’s the unfortunate few hours that I have to put up with between leaving rainy and cold London and relaxing on a tropical sandy beach in my bikini with a cocktail in hand. Once the cardboard food has been served, I just don’t know what to do to pass the time until I touch down at my destination.
I could watch TV, but generally the films and TV shows available are repeats that I have seen hundreds of time over. If I want films just out in the cinema or even good TV, the airline expects me to pay. In fact, on one long-haul flight recently, a budget airline tried to extort £10 out of me just so I could watch repeats of Top Gear.
Reading’s out because I can’t concentrate thanks to the screaming babies, so my only option left is to sleep. That’s hard enough with all the general commotion on a flight, let alone if I’ve got to deal with everyone making phone calls too.
If mobiles are allowed on flights, how long before we have hoodies running up and down the aisle, playing Eminem, Snoop Dog and other gangsta rap at full (albeit exceptionally tinny) volume and terrorising the slightly effeminate male cabin crew members?
No doubt mobile phone operators will charge very large premiums for the service too. Flights should just be left as they are and allow me to have a peaceful-ish sleep before my two weeks of sun, sand and sangria.