Error message are a common occurrence when it comes to technology, and are often cause by the device's owner makes a blunder.

However, the error messages are fairly bland and without the slightest trace of humour or sarcasm.

With this in mind, we've put together a collection of some of tech's most obviously euphemistic error and warning messages, followed by what we think our devices would say if they were a little more, uh, human.

IVR (Interactive Voice Response) Systems

Perhaps my favourite example comes from my mobile phone.

When I get distracted and fail to respond to a prompt issued by my IVR (interactive voice response) system, the recorded female voice offers this timeless bit of advice to me: "Always remember to press the number of the command you wish to select."

I understand her dilemma. She wants to get me going again, but she doesn't want to yell at me for zoning out, and she has to say something.

What I think she really means: "Hey, dude, are you still there? Did you nod off again? Wake up!"

Euphemism 2
Customer Support IVR: "Please hold for the next available agent."

Translation: Please hold while we connect you to a script reader in India.

GPS Systems

Especially while travelling, I depend on the turn-by-turn directions that my GPS system provides to tell me where to go.

The system's female voice is friendly and matter-of-fact (even as she mispronounces street names).

When I fail to obey her directions, she calmly says: "Recalculating route."

But she wasn't always so nice. Before her software upgrade awhile back, she was, well, kind of a grouch.

Her directions sounded terse under the best of conditions, and when something went wrong - when I strayed from the route she had planned for me - she said "You have gone off course" in a tone so sharp that it sounded scolding.

What I think she really meant: "Hey, you missed the turn!! What are you doing?! Do you know how long it took me to calculate that route?! Pay attention next time!!"

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